Sunday, January 20, 2013

The 20 Minutes Before a GYN Exam

There are several physical exams you have to complete before being approved to have a kidney transplant.  After my FUN day at the hospital, I knew I’d have to schedule the next exam separately, with my primary care doctor.  Women receiving kidney transplants are required to get a  pap smear.

I’m almost 26, so I’ve had several paps done.  This wasn’t my first time in the stirrups.  But it was however, my first time waiting 20 minutes ...alone...naked...in a doctor’s office for my test to begin. They were pretty busy there that afternoon apparently.  

I made it a point to arrive 15 minutes early for once to the appointment.  I wasn’t called to the back until the exact time it began, but that was fine by me. I was just happy that I actually obeyed the sign on at the receptionist’s window that says “Please Arrive 15 Min. Before Your Appointment.”  Success. I took a piece of candy from the candy jar.

After being called back I was weighed (132), I had my temperature taken ( 99 degrees F), and then my blood pressure (150 over 100.  Yeah I’m sick.).  Then the nurse took me back to the examination room. I struggled to remember the date of my last period and I secretly slapped myself because they ALWAYS ask before you begin a pap, and I ALWAYS decide to not check the calendar before leaving home.  Doh!  She directed me to take off all my clothes, change into the paper robe that opens in the front, and wait for the doctor.  She left the room and I hopped up on the paper covered table. I twiddled my thumbs, hummed.  Thought, "The doctor should be in any minute now."  I was wrong. Five minutes later, still no doctor. This was the first time I'd ever had a few minutes to think before lying back and trying to relax, as they always say before breaking out the scary pap tools.  Things that crossed my mind:
  • That Kelly Clarkson song blaring the walls of a neighboring office is right.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  
  • Staring at a medical diagram hanging on the wall, I began to wonder how many ear infections I had as a child.
  • I wonder if I have time to read that old issue of "People" magazine about Jessica Simpson and her new baby.
  • I know I don't need it, but sometimes I get jealous of other people on Weight Watchers.  I want to be worth it. I want to believe in myself.
  • They always have a picture of an island on the ceiling.  That's a nice touch. I wonder what island it is.
  • I'm really excited for my honeymoon.
  • This would be a great time to practice my yoga breathing. 
  • I guess things could be worse. Kidney transplants are done all the time, at least that's what they tell me. 
I started getting comfortable with the reason I was doing all of this, all of these medical procedures, back to back, within a two week period. And then finally, my the doctor walked in, I had my test and I should have been on my way.  Except I was convinced to get a flu shot and my arm proceeded to hurt for the following week. Several people at my job turned up with the flu after that. So the whole trip wasn't an entire waste.