Thursday, May 2, 2013

Day/Night Before

I wasn't planning on deviating from my three-day posting schedule, but what the hell. It feels almost unnatural to NOT do a "before" post just as something as huge as getting a kidney transplant is about to happen.  It seems like it goes against everything we know about changes or expecting them and experiencing them.  How can you know where you're going until you know where you've come from, right?  I don't know if that really applies in this situation...but oh well. This whole blog is kind of like a "before" post.  

Anyhoo, the transplant is tomorrow.   I'm feeling...calm right now, as I'm writing this.  I was actually just a little bit bored before I decided to do this post.  This whole day has been a pretty good day.  I went to work, which was a surprise to some people. Not because I didn't have crap to do at home today.  Trust me, I had a lot of last minute items.  But really because I needed the extra paid day of leave.  And there will definitely be a blog post coming up on what it's like to work and not work when you have a chronic illness and/or surgery.  Stay tuned.

I went to work.  A coworker of mine made lemon bars. I ate two and experienced bliss while eating them.  I'm actually planning to make them during my "spring break."  I finished cleaning off my desk. I emptied out my email inbox.  I didn't drink coffee when I went into the office! Yes!  This is kind of a big victory for me.  The nurse practitioner at the transplant center told me to stay away from coffee at the beginning of the transplantation period.  I balked because until today, that has been impossible for me. Hi, my name is Jewel. And I'm a coffee addict.  Or maybe not...anymore.  Yesterday, while I was in the middle of my second cup of coffee, every sip I took caused pain in my abdomen.  Seriously! Every time I took a sip, knives. Stabbing me.  That's when, of course, I went to WebMD. I either have a tumor or some condition that is exacerbated by eating or drinking certain things, like coffee.  And just like that, I quit coffee, right then and there.  I think it's safe to say I have enough health issues (my tooth started hurting last week).  I don't need to deal with another thing RIGHT NOW.  

So instead of my usual cup of coffee, I downed a bottle of cranberry juice.  For lunch, I walked to the bank in GORGEOUS weather, and deposited three checks.  I returned to my desk with a cute card on it, signed by all my coworkers.  Everyone was REALLY nice to me all day.  Not that people aren't nice.  In fact, at my job, there are hardly any mean people.  But everyone was wishing me good luck and asking me a lot of questions, and saying they'll be thinking of me.  It was pretty great.

I came home, started packing.  Ben cleaned out the refrigerator. With me off my feet, he won't be cooking much at all so I told him it might be a good idea to get rid of everything that could rot, i.e. all the fresh vegetables.

And now I'm just...waiting for the next thing I guess.  Ben and I are going to dinner tonight.  A celebration.  Last meal. Last hoorah.  Whatever you may call it. Then we'll probably turn in for the night.  

After writing posts like this sometimes I wonder:  what ARE you supposed to do the day before a transplant, besides fast after midnight?  You know?  Sometimes I feel like we're expected to live bigger than things actually are.  I blame it all on Facebook and Instagram and the pressure to make it seem like whatever you're doing is awesome all the time.  And it really could just be eating a taco.  In a way it's nice, because it makes you celebrate the little things in life, like tacos.  And other times,  it's annoying because..they're just tacos.  And this is JUST a transplant.  I'm kidding. This is a big deal. But I have no regrets about how I spent this day.  Sure, there haven't been any shots of tequila, and there won't be any tomorrow either.  I'm content listening to Ben shave before dinner and watching the cat sleep in his climbing tower.  This is the day before a kidney transplant.  It's been a pretty good day.