Tuesday, December 17, 2013

How My Sister Unintentionally Talked Me Out of Buying Lotto Tickets

It started with a text:

Then a phone call:

Me:  So are you going to play the lotto?!

Jocelyn: I don't know how.

Me: What? I used to go with mommy all the time when I was little.  I would tell people at school, "Yeah I play the lotto."  

Jocelyn: Shut up, you didn't play nothing.

Me:  Yeah but I picked the numbers sometimes.  Well, anyways, take Danyelle with you.

Jocelyn:  If I don't know how to play the lotto then what makes you think Danyelle is going to know how to play the lotto?

Me:  I don't know! Moral support!  Maybe mommy and daddy will go.  Don't they always play the big ones?

Jocelyn:  Yeah.  Well if they go, I'll go.  

Me:  Ok...do you think I should play the lotto?

Jocelyn:  I don't know, yeah?

Me:  Yeah, I don't know.  I don't think i'll win.  But part of me just wants to win one of the small prizes.  Like enough to pay off the rest of my student loans.

Jocelyn:  Yeah, but winning it won't make you happier.

Me:  Um, yes it will! I'll be able to pay off my loans.

Jocelyn: Yeah but after you pay off your loans you won't have the money. You won't be happier.

Me: Yes, I will! I'll be debt-free! Just think, what if you could win the lotto and pay for the rest of your college education.  Then, when you graduate and get your first job, you'll owe nothing to anybody.  To me that's the success of the lotto: not having to owe anything to anybody.

Jocelyn:  Yeah that would be nice.

Me:  See!  And for me, just think if I had that money I pay in student loans every month, in my pocket...

Jocelyn:  Oh Ballin!!

Me:  Right?!

Jocelyn:  But I'm telling you, you won't be happier.  Don't you watch those documentaries on TLC about the people who won the lotto?  Once you win the money, and spend it or do whatever with it, you'll be focused on the next thing.  Thinking about what else you can get.

Me: Yeah but still!

Jocelyn:  I mean you'll be debt free but I'm just saying it's not like you'll be happier than you are now.  

Me:  Are you saying I shouldn't spend money to buy lotto tickets?  Is that what you're saying?

Jocelyn:  No I'm just saying...

Me:  You know what?!  Forget it!  I'm not going to buy them.  

Jocelyn:  Oh, ok.

Me: Are you happy now? You and your psychological bullshit just made me change my mind.  Are you happy?

Jocelyn:  I mean, I don't know.

Me:  Because I'm not.  Congratulations, you have actually made me UNHAPPY.  In fact, there's no need to play the lotto now, since apparently if I had won the lotto I wouldn't have been happier, I would have been unhappy, isn't that right?

Jocelyn:  I guess so, that's what happens. Haven't you watched TLC?

Me:  Well, then good job Jocelyn.  We skipped right over the lotto and winning the money part and straight to the unhappiness.  I guess now I can keep my five dollars.  So thank you Jocelyn.  For giving me a reality check.

Jocelyn: Well...you're welcome.  

Two Hours Later...