Monday, August 18, 2014

We Have Secrets

A few weeks ago, I was having one of my "I'm on my coffee break" phone chats with my sister Jocelyn.  The topic we wandered into:  the internet, and other people's relationships on the internet.  I'm semi-illiterate when it comes to social media.  I still maintain only one social media platform--Facebook--when now anyone can help themselves to a buffet of options for telling other people about their lives in a public domain.  Even Facebook is almost too much for me. Call me old-fashioned, but I miss the days when calling someone your friend meant that they were actually your friend.  You didn't have to add the disclaimer of "Well...they're my Facebook friend...aka I added them back because they added me but I would avoid this person like the black plague if I ever saw them at Target."   I AM that girl who has hidden from her "Facebook friends" behind a row of belts and discounted scarves. 

My sister informed me that now on Instagram they have special events called "Relationship Tuesday" and "Man Crush Monday" and "Relationship Goals."   I told her I just don't get it. Apparently she was with me, for once, in thinking that there are just some things about a relationship that just do not need to be on the internet.  

I think the same can be said for reality.  Before getting married, I wouldn't call myself a chronic oversharer as far as things that happened between Ben and me.  But I shared enough stuff to where I look back now and cringe just thinking about the words spilling out of my mouth without hesitation at the time.  It wasn't until recently, when Ben and I celebrated our first year of being married folks, that I realized just how much I valued the fact that we don't tell everyone everything.  



When you have a wedding, some people who went to the wedding and celebrated with you and drank with you and danced with you, seem to think that all of that carries over into the next chapter of life.  You know what I'm talking about.  People want to know when we're buying a house, when we're having kids, when we're going to eat dinner and when we're going to pet the cat.  Newlyweds are fascinating, because everyone knows that we're entering into uncharted territory and sometimes it's fun to watch a couple take those first wobbly steps into the unknown.  Hell, my new favorite show is Married at First Sight for that very reason.  It's like seeing the fireworks at Disney World for the first time.  

At times, I have felt the pressure to just come right out and tell everyone who asks about our 10-year plan.  But it can also be a little nerve-wrecking because everyone has an opinion for how to do things.  And I think that's why I'm glad that a few months into our marriage, Ben assured me that we don't have to tell anybody a damn thing if we don't want to.  It makes me feel kind of sneaky, too.  

In a world where couples have no shame about just tossing out the phrase "We're trying," so that everyone (or just me) can imagine them trying a new sex position every night until conception is achieved, I love that Ben and I keep some things for ourselves.  I love that when we say the words "SPOUSAL PRIVILEGE" we know that whatever was just said between us does not leave that room. 

A big reason that I love writing this blog is because I love sharing aspects of my life with you all. And I love seeing other people learn more about kidney disease  just by reading whatever ramblings I choose to write these days.  That said, it is satisfying to not have people all up in ALL parts of my business, all the time.  I guess being married and having people place bets one when you're going to procreate will teach you that.