Friday, April 24, 2015

Wait for it...

A lot has been happening in this season of life.  

Wait...I'm not entirely sure if that's true.  I think a more accurate description of what's going on is that a lot of preparation has been happening for all of the events that could potentially occur in the next eight months.  I'm in a period of life that I honestly haven't found myself in since my kidney failure days.  It's what I like to call "the waiting period."  

I haven't had/made much time for blogging because of the preparatory things that I've been involved in.  

Case in point, Ben and I are currently waiting for our dream starter house to pop up amid the 20-30 real estate listings we get sent every day.  This has required us to meet with lenders, meet with our friend/real estate agent, schedule viewings, write offer letters and crunch numbers.  We were outbid, by the way, on the first home that we ever put an offer on. I think I'm mostly over it.  I keep comparing that home to an ex post-break up, just talking about all the flaws and how I'm "soooo happy" I don't have to deal with now.  That blue carpet for instance.  Or the griddle attached to the stove.  I already have a griddle!  What was I going to do with two griddles?  Anyway, I'm not bitter, I promise. But Ben and I have been just going through the motions of being rejected. We're just...waiting.  All we can do is wait for the current owners of our dream starter house to put said house onto the market so that we can take over for them.  

I'm also waiting for my biopsy results to come back.  I had my annual biopsy on my transplanted kidney this week.  I've been less than pleased with the numbers on my lab reports of late.  And, yes, I've worried a little (a lot) about whether the FSGS has come back. The only way to find out, is to do a biopsy.  So now I'm just...waiting.   I won't be able to get the results until mid-May.  

I'm also waiting for a others things that I probably shouldn't broadcast over the inter-webs.  

For the past month or two now, I've felt like I've been stuck in the waiting room in the lobby of my future.  Instead of cursing at the selection of magazines or the soft jazz playing over the speakers, I'm trying to embrace it. 

Instead of thinking all the damn time about what my new life in my new house will be like, I'm embracing what I love about our current abode.  It's not too big, making it easy to clean if I dedicate one full hour to chores without Netflix in the background.  The location is everything.  And it's relatively inexpensive.

And instead of worrying/thinking about what I'll do when I get my biopsy results, I'm trying to be thankful.  I'm thankful for the fact that regardless of what my lab results say, I wake up everyday (most days...not today since I stayed up way too late reading), with energy and drive. I eat well and I rarely experience pain anywhere.  

It's pretty easy to dream about a glamorous future that I haven't experienced yet.  Fancy house. Perfect health.  But what I'm learning to do is ask myself, how can I live that dreamy life, and experience that glamour today, even without those things?  Learning to dance or hum to that soft jazz waiting room music, and combing through all of those magazines on the racks for even the tiniest nugget of new or fascinating information.  That's the trick.  I think that's how we survive the waiting room.