Wednesday, February 1, 2017

A Good Year

I have to make a selfish statement:  2016 was not a bad year, for me.  I say “selfish” because I wasn’t that happy to see it end, like so many others seemed to be. I was honestly a little sad.  My 2016 started and ended with a great bottle of champagne and a little party with my very best friends in life. The year started and ending about the same actually, but fortunately, there were a few differences.


First Day of 2016
I started 2016 reeling from my miscarriage and recovering the sanity I lost from having arguments with my insurance company over not being covered for some services, thanks to some "coordination of benefits" bullshit.

I started 2016 with one ovary on my left side. And surprisingly and thankfully, this ovary did not have a very large cyst just hanging out on top, plotting to twist the life out of it so it could join it's sister, "Right Side Ovary" in the grave of dead organs.  

I started 2016 in a job that was no longer bringing me joy, some days feeling undervalued and just plain bored.


At the beginning of 2016 I was given instructions to hold off on trying for another baby, and then given instructions on when to show up for the first treatment of my kidney’s acute rejection episode, likely caused by my failed pregnancy.


But by some miracle of heaven and all that is magical in this world, I ended 2016 in a completely different and GOOD place.



I still have one ovary! And, right now, it probably DOES have a very large cyst on it. LOL  Having one ovary has made me way more sensitive to these types of things. I never imagined that I would ever be the type of woman who proclaimed, "Oo, I'm ovulating right now." But alas, that's me. I'm THAT woman.


I’m not at my old job anymore! Nope. Now, I have a job. An awesome job. A job that I really care about, and I can’t wait to share more with you about what I do now.  


One minus though is because I changed jobs my health insurance is actually MORE expensive which is a bummer.  However, I feel like it’s only more expensive because I’m a sick person! DUH!


Sick people are punished monetarily for their genetic defects and all that “bad behavior” that led to their sickness.  BUT,now, pushing 30, I know how to stand up for myself and advocate for my health and finances when it comes to my insurance company paying for stuff and me paying for stuff. HOMEY DON’T PLAY THAT when it comes to my money and my health.

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I’m actually still waiting for instructions on whether Ben and I should try for another baby.  I surprised myself early last year by not flinging my vaginal birth control rings into the trash in a rebellious fit screaming I WILL GET PREGNANT! KIDNEY OR NO KIDNEY. I actually listened to the doctors, and Ben. I went a full year without taking things into my own hands.  And Ben. Bless him.  I want him to be a dad so much, but I also love that he wants me to be ALIVE a lot more.


Will never stop being obsessed with him


On the kidney front, my creatinine tends to float between the 2.3 and 2.8 range right now.  I had a doctor’s appointment and was fully expecting them to tell me that I’m going on dialysis soon. That we’ve arrived. That the failure of my dad’s kidney is upon us. But nope. Not yet, anyway.  


Am I still reeling from my miscarriage?  Several women who also had miscarriages told me that I would think about my daughter every day.  I did not believe them at the time, but they are right.  I think about her every day.  I just think about her differently now.  I miss her the way you miss someone you had to say goodbye to, and maybe it was for the best, but you still wish they were around sometimes. Kind of like that.  


I feel hashtagblessed to say that last year was a good year, for me.  On a cultural and political level it sucked balls for many people. I also know people who, personally, would not walk away from 2016 saying it was totally the best year ever.  


But isn’t that how it goes??  EVERY YEAR is a bad year.  Every single year is bad, for someone. 2016 was a good year for me, but it was also a bad year for someone else. 2015 was my worst year YET.  But it was also several people’s BEST year.  Several women I know had very healthy babies that year, kept both of their ovaries and didn’t have to deal with a less than awesome job or shitty amounts of insurance bills piling up, or just a plain ol' shitty life.  

One of many things I read about in the news in January, the first month of a brand new year, was the announcement of a major accomplishment that took place in 2016.  In 2016, 33,600 organ transplants happened in the U.S.  



So, in that way, 2016 was a very good year for the thousands of people who were so sick that they needed somebody else’s blood, tissue or organ to go on living.  And hopefully, the recipients of those precious gifts, found themselves miraculously healed the day after their surgery, one day in 2016.

So to that I say, what a good year.